Like the Def Leppard song says, “But, are you getting it?”
Things you do, signs, symptoms you may display that clearly show you’re in need of some hot romantic action, quickly! Immediately! Your body cries out, “Please! I need some hot romantic action now! Right away! Pleeeasse, someone, help! Aaarrgh!”
Perhaps you haven’t been laid in so darn long, your love equipment has now got cobwebs on it. Yikes!
Here’s some signs, symptoms that show “You really need it!”
One: If you’ve been unusually grouchy and acting like a jerk lately? You need romantic action.
Two: If you pay 50 cents for a game of pool at a nightclub, and some young lady that “you think” has been checking you out all night, when in reality she wasn’t, takes your game and balls from you? Oh no! Say it isn’t so! You need to get some love action soon!
Three: If you’re watching the movie, “Love in Adult Diapers,” the scene where the senior couple is about to get it on, and the man whispers to the lady, “Don’t worry about the diaper, I’ll push it to the side.” If you don’t find that scene so romantic that it makes your eyes watery? Then, you really need to get back that loving feeling, fast!
Four: If you’re preparing a turkey to cook, when you start putting the stuffing in it, you leave your hand in there too long because that slippery cozy wet feeling turns you on. Whew! You really need to get some action, soon!
Five: If you post a blog about bras and pics with you holding a banana and/or other suggestive shaped fruits and vegetables? You definitely need some, real bad! I’m not kidding you.
S*x: If you write blog stories about dirty, filthy, disgusting situations while on dates with fictional girlfriends like, oh let’s say a Molestina or a Benna Ohver? Sheesh! That’s a sure sign you need romantic wrestling action soon.
Seven: If your latest, most intimate relationship has been with your own hand or an adult toy? You need some serious “real” love action.
Ate: If a guy walks around with a big darn circus top tent in the crouch of his pants? Move out of his way ladies, or say Hello to him, whichever you think is best, because he needs it urgently!
Nine: If a guy wears tight speedo marbles bag shorts, or a lady wears a snug bikini bottom, and on both people, they get wedged in tight, stuck in their rear ends like floss string for their back cheeks? These people need loving, and a pair of needle nose pliers too. Maybe even a “jaws of life” tool to get them wedgies out.
Ten: If a person thinks they’re always right, and can never do any wrong? If they think their own poop & f*rts don’t stink? They’re in emergency mode! They greatly need to get drunk and laid immediately!
Eleven: If a person knows the meaning of “Around the world,” “Sixty Nine,” “Giving Face,” “Golden Showers,” “Hang Out The Side,” knows the “Rocking Chair” and “Flour Sifter” romance moves, and possibly leaves their “I was here” tattoos on all the persons they’ve had romantic rendezvous’ with? Watch out! That person may be a professional pick-up artist, eh in their own mind, of course.
These are just a few examples. Certainly, there are more signs and symptoms out there of people who may desperately need romantic action, urgently!
PS: This blog is fictional, just for fun. No offense intended toward anyone. However, if anyone should feel offended or sensitive about anything mentioned in this blog? Oh well.